So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
