I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
