Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
