And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
