My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
