just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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