He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
