Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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