I showed him my bush... on skype.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I love you. Go after that dick
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
