she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
