I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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