You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
