i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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