and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
