Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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