It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
