if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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