can we get nightvision for the apartment?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize