At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
