I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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