You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
