The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
