Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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