At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The best revenge is premature balding
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
3pm strippers are depressing
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
