I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
