I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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