Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
