dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
