you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
