You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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