Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
