By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
