It's just like the Real World with babies
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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