That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Dicks are not precious.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
