so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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