End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
