I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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