Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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