I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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