at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
