I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize