is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
