I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize