imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
