Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
