there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Randomize
