I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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