Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
