I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
