ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize