Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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