he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize