Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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