I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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