The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
