Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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