im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
