I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
