why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
