Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize