I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
