Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You did what with his pubic hair?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
