Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
