So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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