Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
