the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
