capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize