Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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