When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
